Introducing Your Kids to Your Date

Like any good mother, you're reluctant to bring new men around your children. You don't want them to get attached, only for him to disappear and take the kids' hearts with him.

But I'm here to tell you that you can't afford to not introduce him to the kids. As soon as possible. I know it's asking a lot, so here are a few things to take into account as you consider whether the man you are dating is right for your children.

Introduce him immediately.

Simply telling him you have kids is not good enough. Around the time you start developing emotional feelings for this guy beyond ?I'm attracted to him,? he should already be used to sitting across the room from your kids, attending church together, going to the park or ice cream parlor.

See, a man needs to be able to see all he's going to be responsible for up front. If he sees you in your role as a mother, he's going to decide if he sees himself in the role as a father.

Think of it as an audition.

Within the first few meetings, you should be able to see his capacity to be a father. Can he make conversation with a six year old? He should be able to engage your kids and hold his own in a way that uses humor, compassion, or sometimes even squaring his shoulders to take charge in a way that deflects attempts by kids trying to push his buttons.

If he's comfortable enough with the kids to entertain them, give them advice, and help you troubleshoot along the way; then he's showing you the traits of a potentially good father figure for your child.

A real man won't resist.

The sincere men among us know that women with kids are a package deal, and we'll understand that you are a mother with obligations to your kids first.

Think about it: if a man starts out not interested in your family, what makes you think that after you sleep with him he's going to suddenly develop an affection for your family? Usually, how a relationship starts is a good sign of how it's going to end up.

Lay it out up front, tell him in a nice, not-so-subtle-but-sweet way that the only way a man is going to be a part of your life, is if he agrees to be a part of your children's lives, too. A good man will welcome the challenge.

By Steve Harvey for Chemistry.com

 

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