Let's face facts, guys: When it comes to knowing what women want, a good-sized percentage of the time, we're pretty dense. But when it comes to online dating, our density levels enter the red zone mainly because we have no idea how our material is going over. We have no visual or audio clues. We don't know if the words we wrote are making her laugh or groan.
I'm essentially as dense as the rest of you, but I spend more time thinking about online dating than the average bear, and being an altruistic chap, I'm going to impart my wisdom (such as it is) upon my girl-seeking brethren. Here now, for your education and edification, are 10 things that a typical girl wants to see in a typical guy's profile:
Alan Goldsher is a Chicago-based writer, advice columnist, and author of
You don't have to be Einstein or Chomsky; most women don't dig mega-brainiacs, anyhow. But you should demonstrate a hearty dollop of intelligence. So proofread. Do a spell check. Bust out a thesaurus. Use words like "dollop."
Don't just tell the world how much you bench. Let your words reveal an inner strength. Be the cyber-John Wayne.
Women like their men to be gainfully employed, so allude to your job. You don't have to offer up your resume, but let it be known you won't be sponging.
When you post your picture, avoid shots of you drunk or sweaty or generally looking icky.
Preview how charming you'll be when you first meet face-to-face. Be silly but not absurd. Self-deprecating but not pitiful. Strike that balance between droll and dorky.
Don't be a cookie-cutter guy. Read other men's profiles and take note of common, tired turns of phrase. The competition is fierce, so try to stand out in the crowd.
It's not necessary to compose an original poem or to paraphrase a Shakespeare sonnet, but it would be nice to let her know you're not a heartless Neanderthal. Exhibit some warmth and gentleness.
If you don't believe in yourself, how can she believe in you? Be proud of your career, your comedy and your cunning.
Women have radars that sense when you're fudging with reality. Don't lie about your physicality or your spirituality. At some point, the truth will rear its ugly head.
You've got a lot to pack into one profile, no doubt, but if you're not careful, your description will end up being longer than a Tom Clancy novel. Say what you have to say in the best way you can. Then put down that mouse and go do your laundry, because you'll want to have some clean clothes to wear on your first date. And your second. And your third.
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